Well, last year ended up being the best year for quotes since I moved to Urbana after 1997. That is probably due to a renewed effort on my part to write down funny things people say, and also quite possibly due to the fact that we killed so many people. Maybe 2001 can be the best ever. Maybe. "You're not a robot." "Really? What am I?" "A pastry!" -PoToKiTTy & Quarex "Yeah, you gotz a hot body, woman." "Thanks! You have a nice, ummm. . ." "Oh, like it is even worth trying." -Quarex & Lifelike "That 'Big Pimpin' song is so horrible towards women." "Yeah, but at least they're happy when they hear it!" -RottenZ & DevilBuni "Genital Herpes. Just one of the many things he can give her that I never could." -RottenZ, talking about PoToKiTTy's new boyfriend "I was thinking it had to do with human mortality. But, it's just a hill." -Guy in my English class, about the word "copse" in a poem "Ogre, which way do I go now?" "You're going to have to make that decision yourself." -Quarex & Ogre, enjoying Quarex's inability to find anything "Hey, that's like me! I'm modest, but I kick ass at everything." -Hrothgar I think I can install processors, and if I knew how to install motherboards, I would just do that all the time instead of masturbating. oh god I should eat some more Count Chocula. -Quarex & Soybean on IRC "Today was a bleak day for chicken strips all across the country." -SiniStar "Do you have kids?" "You look like Slash." -Checker & Night Watchman at Schnucks, to Quarex, one after the other. Never have I been more confused. "How do you spell that name, Erik? Use military codes." "It's 'D-A-N,' Dan, Alpha, Niner. . ." -Quarex & Hrothgar "We buried him in the corpse field by the boredom dome." -MadPony, culminating Quarex's & his anti-euphemism discussion "She's kinda got low self-confidence. But that's all right, I don't blame her. I would do the same thing in her situation." -Hrothgar, repeated at least six or seven times, while drunk "You rate the women or men! Then you compare with other ratings and go to the next! It's great!" -Hrothgar, very excited about HotorNot.com, seven years after everyone else forgot about it "Hi Ogre!" "HANG YOURSELF! I don't know you." -RottenZ & Ogre De Latoya "Dude, if you showed chicks that ID, they'd be riding your nutsack!" -Stacy, returning to Quotes duty after a six year absence! "You cmog iyot? uterfrut? Pos." -Ogre De Latoya, trying to ask Quarex over ICQ if he was planning on coming home. "Hey, according to this health book, there is a myth that masturbation causes acne." "Yeah. The truth is, acne causes masturbation." -MadPony & Quarex "Being around Jon is like being around an egg. . . it doesn't take too long before you get the urge to smash it." -DevilBuni, about RottenZ "So, Caitlin, are you going to Baltimore?" "Well, maybe, if I can know for sure I can get crabs." -Quarex & Caitlin, just wishing for seafood. "Not that you would understand this, but does it make sense?" -Hrothgar, prefacing a quote to Quarex. Ah, Hrothgar. "In what decade was the Civil War?" "Uhhh. . . 1500s?" "DUDE, THE FUCKING 1500s? COLUMBUS DIDN'T EVEN COME HERE UNTIL 1592!" -RottenZ, Big Daddy, and Dre, during the taping of FUW's "The Weakest Drink" game show. "The cream rises to the top." "There is no rising to the top. . . you just whisk it. If it's too thick, you add a little more milk." -Ghort & Hrothgar engaging in a magnificent misunderstanding "I'm always nervous about talking to you because I'm afraid everything I say will end up in the quotes file. I didn't even want to type that, because I'm sure referencing the quote file will put me in it. And now that I just said that, it probably cancelled it out. But now you'll probabaly put it in there because I cancelled it out. Now this is just ridiculous." -Glynis, ensuring a place in quotes heaven. "Here's your. . . vegetables." -Quarex's mom, handing him a pair of pants for graduation "It works!" "Dude, this is like a half-assed job." "If it works, it's not half-assed!" -Ogre De Latoya & Hrothgar "So do you guys date girls?" "Well. . ." "When was the last time you guys had girlfriends?" -Steak & Shake Waitress to the AU Crew, and the AU Crew "Wow, this is the fastest I've ever gone from zero to pancakes with a woman." -Quarex to Rachel, feeding him pancakes the night they met "Kurt, I love you SO much!" -Hrothgar, to SiniStar, very enthusiastically "Erik, to make up for all the years we have tormented you, I am going to rub your tummy." -MadPony to Hrothgar "I want the Sahara room." -Hrothgar, trying to convey his choice of rooms "He's got a long way to go." -Ogre De Latoya, seeing any other state's license plate on the road "Is that a picture of Ogre at the top? . . . Oh, it's a beautiful woman." -Quarex "I hate marriage." "I agree. I can't ever see myself getting married. Mostly because that would require me to pay attention to another person." -MadPony & Captain Rat "Oh god, my new stereo is playing Guns & Roses." "I bet it also came with a 200 Meg AC/DC ROM." -Quarex & MadPony "Drew?" "Yeah?" "You're the best thing that ever happened to me." -Hrothgar & Quarex "Gonna ford the pickle . . . ford it with the chocolate river." -Quarex, creating a stirring spiritual about a leftover Steak & Shake dessert "It makes much more sense for me to be fucking Erik." -MadPony, about Hrothgar "You are the biggest bitch I have ever met in my entire life." -Hrothgar, to Quarex "Star Trek was a very unpopular show at the time due to its large lack of apes." "Dude, Star Trek was unpopular?" *laughter* "Come on, which was it? Was Star Trek popular or not?" *more laughter* -MadPony, Hrothgar, MadPony & JoJo "You didn't know me then. But anyway, I had a big crush on you." -Captain Rat, trying to tell Quarex about a crush he had on a girl "I took the belt, it was Flair's, / I don't really care. Oh yeah, that's a great rhyme." "Was it a shoot at the time?" "I think so, but I really don't know." "You guys just rhymed three times in a row." -Quarex, Captain Rat, Quarex, Ogre De Latoya "Mike asked if we were going to kill him over our collective woman troubles, but my woman problems obviously have nothing to do with him, and are just based on my own idiocy." "Yeah, I WANT my problems to be based on my own idiocy, but there's a conspiracy against me." -Captain Rat & Quarex "God, I hate Family Circus." "Way to take a bold stance, Erik." -Hrothgar & Captain Rat "You never tell me you love me anymore." "I love you. Let's go shopping." "Fuck off." -Captain Rat & Quarex "Let me wrap my skeletal lips around your cock. Feel the warm breath of the grave on your balls." -Captain Rat, making fun of Quarex's bony ex-girlfriend "My curiosity supercedes my interest." -Hrothgar "Just because I'm curious about what people say about me doesn't mean I'm curious about what people say about me." -Hrothgar "Anna. . . Anna. . . Anna. . . Anna. . . Anna. . . Anna. . . Anna. . . I'm a Jew. Anna. . . Anna. . . Anna. . ." -Hrothgar, both drunk and crazy "I sincerely hope she pukes in the casserole dish, so I can bake it up with MOZZARELLA CHEESE!!" -Hrothgar "I-80 goes to Atlantis." "Atlanta?" "No, Atlantis." "Oh, that. Yeah, that's farther east than New York." -RottenZ & Hrothgar "Oh, Drew, earlier, when we were in the shower. . ." -Hrothgar "Wow, my voice sucks when I wake up." "Yeah, it does!" -Captain Rat & Quarex "Will it make the left signal, or will it go straight?" -Quarex, contemplating his actions at an intersection "I'm at the hospital. . . my husband is about to be destroyed." -What Quarex heard his potential landlord say on the phone "That's a great idea! Mainly since I can't differentiate between good and bad ideas!" -Captain Rat "You're as much of a bumbling retard as I am!" "Well, Erik, why do you think that?" "Because everything you break touches!" -Hrothgar & Quarex "OH NO!! IT'S *HIM*!" -Ogre De Latoya, reacting in horror when yet another rap .mp3 he downloaded had the mysterious GUY WHO YELLS OVER RAP .MP3S in it "Of course, he always says the maximal possimum thing." -Hrothgar, describing his hatred for a news anchor on TV "I think [Group X] is backed by Osama bin Laden." "Yeah, where else could they get such dope rhymes?" -Captain Rat & Quarex "Will they ever stop making fun of me?" "*happy trumpet fanfare* . . . NO!" -SiniStar & The Wizard Fortune Teller Gumball Machine at Oakley's "I know what women say to Erik: 'Talk stupid to me, baby!'" -SiniStar, postulating on Hrothgar in a sexual situation "Hey, why isn't Ogre here? . . . Ohhhhh. . ." -Quarex, speculating on the afterlife "Masculine, masculiner, masculist." "Masculiner? Is that what goth guys wear on their eyes?" -Quarex & Lifelike "Sing us a song, you're the piano man. . ." "BILLY IDOL!!!" -RottenZ & a drunken Hrothgar "Trust me, I've had a lot of experience with being too big and dealing with discomfort." ". . . What are you doing later?" -Ogre De Latoya, talking about shirts being too small, and Karissa, overhearing, and perhaps slightly misunderstanding "When I got home today and checked the answering machine, there were two messages for me. The first one was a reminder about my surgery on Wednesday, and the second was an advertisement for a discount funeral." -Quarex's dad, not kidding "Lycos Top 5: Christmas Dragonball Harry Potter Osama Bin Laden Britney Spears" -Truly, somehow, an important indicator of this year