Though I can scarcely believe we are all still alive, let alone bothering to write down all the quote-worthy quotes we experience, it has indeed come to pass. And, as is the nature of all things, Hrothgar ends the old millennium and begins the new millennium. Ah, life. "How does reality work?" -Hrothgar "That peanut butter was eating me out." -Hrothgar "What if Rich DeBarba were on his knees in front of you, pleading for his life?" "I'd kill him." -Hrothgar, relaying a conversation, leaving out certain important elements. "Trust in your modem. It will trust in you." -Hrothgar "I hate you so much." -Quarex and Vanessa, simultaneously, with nothing preceding it. Truly a bonding experience. "It's the same road, on both sides." -Hrothgar, metaphysical "If it's hot, and I'm reading, I'm dead." -Quarex "Wouldn't that be funny if gigantic supermarkets became so large that you could get just about anything in them? for instance, you go in and ask for broccoli but the employee fucks up and gives you a package of e. coli and you go home and eat it and you die." -SwissPope, on irc "What's that?" "Oh, that's just some miscellany. Pay no heed." -Quarex & Ogre the Aloof "What's the definition of being someone's 'Drew'?" "It's called 'being your bitch.'" -Quarex & Pagenwait "You know, I think nothing would turn me off more than coming to my senses, turning the light on, and realizing I'm doing a 10 year old Japanese girl." -Basehead, on irc "Is this what ICQ is about? People just pop up in your shit and start talking to you?" -Jon Williams "I hate Regis Philbin so much. I hate him like God hates Satan." -Ogre "Must. . . vomit. . . up. . . all. . . the. . . semen. . ." -Hrothgar "Yeah, Henna's father is really wealthy. Maybe that is why Henna is so well-endowed." -Hrothgar, freudian slipping his way to freedom "C'mon, Susan. Just think about me, and keep thinking about me. What game comes to mind?" "Loser?" -Hrothgar & Susan, playing a car game. Poorly. "I want people to think of me, and think of a beard." -Hrothgar "No girl can escape Pikachu's face." -Spirit "Hey, cool, Al Snore." "Oh boy, a Russian Leg Sleep." -Ogre, watching wrestling after having been awake for an extremely long time. "My arms of the cheetah, my legs be dead. My own love of rose, the yama-dai. Louie-Louie, Oohhh nooo. . ." -Quarex, attempting to transcribe the lyrics to "Louie, Louie" "Dude, the four of us living together this summer would ungodly whip the llama's fucking dick." -Quarex, very excited, to Captain Rat "I'm going to hide it." -Kid outside K's Merchandise. Repeated for emphasis. "It's NEVER time to sleep with you." -Spirit, explaining that I always want people to stay awake, and naturally creating a funny statement in the process. "You're involved with more than just Funny Food, aren't you, Mister Robot?" -Sentence representation of Hrothgar's dream. "What would you like for your birthday, Chuck?" "How about an end to the outdated two-party system?" -"Scott" and Kheldar, copied from Captain Rat's North Carolina Quotes.txt "It's a BIG OL' HAND!" -Ogre "Your kid's nose was whistling while it slept, so I smothered it." -Lish, on the idea of being a babysitter "Hey, she looks like she's a different color from normal people." -Quarex, at a WWF House show, talking about Jacqueline. Let me explain that I was trying to say she looked GOLD. "Dude, this tuna salad RULES! I love my wife." -Owen. Just something not right about this statement. "They're wonderful. They're wonderful. They're wonderful. I have trail mix in the car and soda." -Jewish woman, also from North Carolina Quotes.txt "Guess I won't study for my test after all." "ADVANTAGE: Erik." -Hrothgar & Ogre "Oh my god, I am so totally in love with you." -Hillary, to Quarex "Man, everybody's going somewhere." -Hrothgar, the profound "Well, let's see. According to Mapquest, 410 N. Main street in Normal is. . . just off the coast of Africa." -Spirit, learning the location of a place we wanted to sublease "There was a chick on the phone, waiting to be pregnant." -Quarex, on the aforementioned apartment's occupants "God damn, I am stupid. In fact, I'm even stupider than Erik. And if I'm even stupider than Erik, then I must be the stupidest person in the world." -RottenZ "I should clean up the fort." -Hrothgar, actually saying something about four o'clock "Two plumbers both in need of the their tool, and the others', to get the job done." -Spirit, writing an example of "deadlock" on an ACS assignment. "What's the dog's name?" -Hrothgar, asked quite loudly from his room, with absolutely nothing preceding it. "Yeah, Jason's kind of in the closet." -Ken, trying poorly to explain that Jason never leaves his room "I bet she feels really proud of herself." -Quarex, after Stephanie stuck her tongue out at him through the Denny's window "Jake, what drugs are you taking?" "100 megs of Zoloft." -Spirit & Captain Rat, up too late "Matt Hardy, you will be facing tonight the D-Von Dudley Man." -Quarex, trying to say something "Our sense of humour seems based entirely on. . ." "Incorrections?" -Captain Rat & Quarex "I have suspicions, and suspicion is all that is necessary in the court of Wiesch." -Rich Wiesch, on his own personal form of justice "I would let a dog fuck me in the ass if it would give me some pancakes." -Captain Rat, unsurprisingly quite tired and hungry "The Simpsons was a show started on a wing and a prayer. Unfortunately, the wing was on fire. And the prayer was answered. . . by Satan." -The Simpsons' Season Finale "Everybody's goin' somewhere they ain't!" -Bonnie Simpson, in "Jenny and the Bachelor" (featuring Leslie Nielson!) "Kurt, we found this girl who really likes you." "Oh, really? Who?" "This HORRIBLE PIG." -Quarex & Sinistar. This did not actually happen, but the scenario was constructed by Quarex, Captain Rat, and Spirit. Blame us. "How are the donuts, fatass?" -Quarex, to Spirit "These are the sons of Ham, after their families, after their tongues, in their lands, in their nations." -Genesis 10:20 "Do you think I want to be known as 'the guy who dates young women?'" "Would you rather be known as 'the virgin when you are dead?'" -Hrothgar & Quarex, during an argument over dating younger women "Remember when you had those instructional text files on how to have sex with dogs and horses on your hard drive, Erik?" "That was a long time ago." -Quarex & Hrothgar "I AM A DITZ!!!!!" -Jennifer "Oh boy, the giant mech is smashing the dumpster into the ground over and over again, as usual." -Quarex, on Garbage Morning "What country has the highest number of cats?" "Vietnam?" "VIETNAM!?!?" "Don't they eat cats there?" -RottenZ, Hrothgar, Quarex, and Hrothgar, via "Trivial Pursuit." "Wow, Storm, you have a big head! We have a friend who has a big head. We call him Big Head." -Captain Rat, to a dog he was walking "Wow, it's your birthday today? It's my girlfriend's birthday, too." "You have a girlfriend? And it's NOT ME? *pout*" "Uh, Amanda? You are married." -Quarex & Amanda, at the reception for her wedding "You're not fat! You're pudgy-cute!" -Jennifer, making light of Quarex's face "Do you want some Slim-Fast?" "Yes." -Quarex & Jennifer's 2-year-old brother "I saw your balls! I opened up the door, and saw your balls!" -Hrothgar, singing along to Ace of Base's "The Sign" "Have you taken the disease of me?" -Hrothgar, to Captain Rat. ";P" -Quarex & Captain Rat, winking & sticking out their tongues, mocking the world's stupidest smiley face "Entropy, can you dispose of him for me?" -Mike Kelleher, Congressional Candidate "I watch with great bemusement as a favorite modmaker from my adolescence upsets my ex-girlfriend." -Quarex, while SketchCow angered Soybean on IRC "IT'S GOT SHIT ON IT!" -Hrothgar to Captain Rat, as Captain Rat threatened to lick a plunger "Oh god, please, please rip open my chest. Fuck my heart. Please, fuck my heart." -Captain Rat, on one final attempt at the ultimate disturbing image "LEMMETELLYASOMETHIN." -Captain Rat, whenever poked in the stomach with a straw "Open your eyes, dickless." -What Quarex could have sworn someone yelled at him from a car after the Dream Theater concert on August 10th "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back," "Kill it." -Ogre & Quarex "When you start to hate, you start to heal." -Quarex, Dr. Unrequited Love Doctor Dr. "Hmm. Let's see if these are still good!" -Quarex, stopping to taste about 20 different things, while unpacking boxes he had not looked at in two years "I cannot believe I am buying a different cereal because of Regis Philbin." -Quarex, after buying Rice Chex over Corn Chex due to Regis' face on the Corn Chex box "Hey, that chick looks pretty good." "OH MY GOD, IT'S CHRISTOPHER WALKEN." -Quarex, shopping in Meijer, and seeing a very shapely girl from behind. Then from the front. "Jon, ther ecan be pnmly oen." -AIDS, to RottenZ. Ah, written communication. "Hey, what's up, playa? PLAYA!" "Hey, what's up, big guy? BIG GUY!" -Random Chicago Man On The Street to SwissPope, then Quarex "Hey, wanna 'Fuck?'" -Now, before I explain this quote, I realize this is the most standard quote on the planet. However, it still happened, and I was unaware of what I was saying at the time. So: -Quarex, to Becky #2, offering her the cookie that said "Fuck" on it "I'm just going to go fuck the first thing I see." -Hrothgar, in a funk "Give me a little child. That's all I want." -Hrothgar "FUCK THIS! THIS ISN'T A JOB! THIS IS FUCKING CANDYCREAM ON A GOD DAMN SHIT CAKE!" -Hrothgar, on his new job "Could you, possibly, have broken the milk?" -Gorgeous girl in my English 302 class, poorly demonstrating a relative clause "I hope I'm not doomed to be an inarticulate fuck pillow for the rest of my life." -Soybean "STONE COIDL! LAKJ LAIR! LAKE FIRE! FIRE LAKEE! FIRE LAKE MAN HAS RETURNED! Speaking of fire lake man, I need to actually get a cable-cable this weekend." -Quarex "Oooh, you've got Six-Sixty-Six! Coooool!" -Quarex's mom, seeing his "666" ceramic tile wall decoration "You should be an evil baby for Christmas." -Julia, obviously talking about Christmas, not Halloween "Can somebody name me a noun clause?" *Dan raises hand* "Jesse James." *class momentarily stops* "Did you say 'an outlaw?'" *class erupts in laughter* -Quarex's Grammar Professor & "Dan" "I won't bother getting into the details of it, since everything wrong always happens to me that FORCES me to reformat." -Hrothgar, presumably trying to say, well, SOMETHING "Don't you think I'm GREAT" -Julia. She was not done talking, but I started laughing, regardless "A jezebelian whore of babylonian proportions." ". . . That's what you are to me, Julia." -Quarex, and Quarex, appending his statement, to Julia "What's that?" "THE ALPHA and the OMEGA! The BEGINNING and the FUCKING END, my friend!" "No, I mean THAT." "Oh, a Kit-Kat." -Some Guy & RottenZ, in a fabulous moment of miscommunication "Dude, Pan gave me some SHIT." -Ogre, excited about the shit Pan had just given him "Wire-fu was fine in The Matrix. But when the chicks in Charlie's Angels start doing it, it fucks with my disbelief of suspension." -Ogre, accidentally coining possibly the greatest phrase-reversal ever "The triangle pointing east summons and binds the demon, and then the summoner would need to make the spirit obedient." -This guy in my Descriptive English Grammar class, giving an _actual presentation_ on Cabalist Ritualistic Magic, under the full assumption that it is real. Shades of "Are you guys REALLY summoning the Devil in there?" from Quotes95. *Woman falls face-first in snow* "Get up!" "Face. . . cold. . . . face. . . cold. . . ." -Boyfriend & Woman in Downtown Normal, as relayed by Anna "My nickname in high school was 'The Worst.'" -Anna "Join me tonight, when my guest will be the Evil Skeletor!" -Larry King, via Quarex's stupidity "Good night, Fuckin' Moon!" -Quarex's mom, to Quarex, presumably due to Quarex's Onion t-shirt. "I wonder when I'll get recurring amnesia." -SiniStar "I've learned to try a lot of new things in San Francisco." -Hrothgar. Errr-ikk. . . "V-E-R-N, I've killed again!" -Spirit, playing No One Lives Forever as Rain Man