Though '98 was a relatively slow year for quotes, be it because 4 of the regular
contributors moved into a hellhole where there was no mirth, or be it because
I was one of them, and away from the usual B/N crowd, it matters not.  1999 is 
going to be the greatest year ever, and you better watch out.


"You are drawn really well."
"That's the best compliment I have ever received!"
	-Quarex & Liz

"We should probably think about getting food sometime soon."
"We need to eat in this game?"
"No, US."
	-Hrothgar & Spirit, playing a bit too much Baldur's Gate Multiplayer

"Fetch the royal diapers!"
	-Quarex & Spirit making fun of the 4'6" king in the play

"Who broke my spoon?!!"
"The guy with the big head!"
"What?  I did not break her spoon!"
	-Tara, Jessica II, Quarex.  I never thought anyone else would be
	 referred to as "the guy with the big head" as long as I was around.

"Do you have any Camels?"
*Hands Ogre a dollar*
"Yeah, I might know where I can get some Camels."
	-SwissPope & Ogre

"I'm going to play a Bard."
	-Quarex to Hrothgar or Ogre, several times a day

"I'm taking one of these phone books."
"I'm taking them BOTH!!"
	-Hrothgar & Hrothgar amending his vicious theft

"I want to open mouth kiss you."
	-RottenZ to Quarex, further proving his heterosexuality

"Well, Drew, you actually might have a chance with [Vanessa], cuz she is really
 not picky."
"Um, Andy?"
"Oh god.  Oh god.  I do not mean to say that, I just mean, like, I mean, she HAS
 dated three hideous guys already. . ."
"You are just making it worse, Andy."
	-Andy & Quarex

* misaochan arranges quarex's hair in bows and declares him "mahou shounen
  pretty quarex" and hands him a big kawaii wand with a heart on top to fight 
  blecchies with!
	-IRC Terrifying

"I LIKE DREW!"
	-Hrothgar

"Bards and Rogures are both decent fifhgerts in EWQ."
	-Quarex, showing off his excellent typing skilsl

"Hey Erik, you sure are dumb.  Yep, you sure are stupid!"
"STOP LAUGHING AT ME!  STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!  STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!"
	-Ogre & Hrothgar, with Hrothgar's rehearsed "The Other Sister" defense

"It smells like. . . ass."
	-SwissPope, describing over 10 things in the last few days.

"Prithee sir, come hither and forsooth thyself."
	-Hrothgar, explaining how he wanted his new character to talk in 
	 EverQuest.

"I'm worried about my six month old cousin.  I had to change him, and his penis
 is like, inverted right into his scrotum!"
"Maybe you just don't do it for him, Anne."
	-Anne & Quarex

"Why is it snowing so much?"
"WOO!  PROM DATE!"
	-Hrothgar & Quarex

<glynis> yes drew. i love you.
	-IRC

"This might sound stupid, but what does T&A mean?"
	-Hrothgar

"That sucks.  Lemme go grab Ogre's camels."
	-Quarex

"Maybe if your room weren't so hot."
"Maybe if you weren't so hot."
*confused expressions*
	-Quarex, Hrothgar, Quarex & Ogre

*phone rings*
(glances at clock) "Who the hell calls at 3:16?"
"AUSTIN!"
	-Quarex & Ogre, at 3:16 A.M.

"We're rating each other with numbers!"
	-Quarex

"If every woman took a second husband to flirt with and talk to,
 you would be married to everyone."
	-Spirit to Quarex

"Assuming she can look at me without throwing up."
	-Quarex, in general

"Your room is too fucking full of fish."
	-Quarex to Spirit

"I was born when my dad was 40 and my mom was 35."
"Wow, your parents had you late.  There was a higher risk of
 birth defects!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
	-Quarex, Hrothgar, Quarex and Ogre and Hrothgar.

"Red Lobster, where quality doesn't matter!"
	-Quarex, sung in a southern accent

"God damn, is it already Household Finch past Cardinal?"
	-Quarex, mocking the fucking retarded BIRDS OF AMERICA clock
	 at Megan's house

"Is Drew awake?"
"No, he's still sleeping."
"Well, just tell him that I'm hornier than I've ever been, and I want to
 fuck him right now."
	-Anne & Spirit, phone conversation

"I'm living a lie if I don't accept that I'm beautiful."
	-Andy

"This is a song about smokin' pot!"
"BOOOOO!"
	-Bunjie Jambo's lead singer & the crowd reaction.  I bet that 
         is the first time that phrase has ever been booed at any 
         concert, ever.

"GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING PINE SOL THIRD MOTHER FUCKING TIME THIS HAS FUCKING
 HAPPENED TO ME THIS FUCKING YEAR!"
	-Quarex, having spilled about a half bottle of Pine Sol, yet again.

"Yeah, and Jeanne even moved to sit next to me on the couch when you two got
 up to make food!"
"SHE'S LIKE THAT WITH EVERYONE!"
"Oh, thanks Bond!  Thanks for eliminating all of my hope there!"
	-Quarex & Bond

"EIGHT THOUSAND REGGAE SONGS IN A HALF HOUR!"
	-Quarex

"Why the hell does it smell like poop?"
[Sees seven port-a-potties]
"Oh."
	-Spirit, on the Trail(tm)

"The World's Strongest Retarded Men."
	-Andy, on a new show idea

"I can't believe my brother submitted to the torture.  That's so out of 
 character for him."
	-Andy

"I wish the Special Olympics had Pro Wrestling segments."
	-RottenZ

"Wow, I feel this way up in my crotch."
"Yeah, isn't it great?"
	-Andy & Vanessa

"I say so many funny things and make you laugh."
"I hate you."
	-RottenZ

"I waxed last night, and now I've got these red marks."
"Come back here, I can do something for that."
"You can do something for that?  Wow, you ARE gay!"
	-Bond & Andy

"I guess spontaneous applause is better than 'Worst Movie Ever.'"
	-RottenZ, when the Bloomington/Normal audience of "The Blair
	 Witch Project" was far more accepting than the Chicago 
	 audience had been.

"[Sexual activity] is overrated, anyway."
"I thought you just said your girlfriend gives fantastic handjobs."
"Well, that's different."
	-Hitchcock & Crank

"Look!  It's love!"
"KILL IT!"
*vroom*
	-Spirit & Quarex

"Isn't there an undelete, you unholy horrible failure?"
	-Jake, expressing his usual love for Quarex

"Next time Jake comes back, we should all pretend to be really into
 sandwiches."
	-RottenZ

"Your skin is as smooth as a thousand rolls of fine silk toilet paper 
 on a sea of loveliness. . . my princess."
	-Quarex

"At last, on the eve of my eternal descent into manhood, I obtain the
 legendary Socks of No Need To Roll Down!"
	-Quarex

"Thanks for the birthday greeting, Odin!"
*immense lightning strikes*
	-Quarex & Odin, Friday, August 13, 1999, Quarex's 21st birthday.

"Who are you?"
"I am a cactus, I am a cactus!"
	-Kyala the Lion Room Guardian and The Dancing Cactus

"Cat & Entropy lather up"
"Cat gets Entropy from behind"
	-Failed beginning sequence from the Entropy/Black Cat match at
         IWU Hellview '99

"Hey Vanessa, can I. . ."
"No."
	-Quarex & Vanessa, summarizing their five day relationship

"What are you singing, Jon?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
	-Stephanie & RottenZ, at the top of his lungs

"Jeffro's Reliable Community College."
	-RottenZ, the pinnacle of excellence

"Holy shit, is it really already Shetland Pony past Palomino?"
	-Quarex, amending his vicious parody of the "Birds of America"
         clock on the "Horses of the World" clock at Hrothgar's mom's
         farm.

"I wish there were a candy that caused a temporary loss of sanity."
"Oh wait, those are called drugs."
	-Ogre

"I hope you guys don't laugh at me for this.  But I really wanted to get
 laid tonight."
	-Hrothgar, massively drunk.  We, obviously, did not laugh.

"I see gay people!"
	-Hrothgar, possessing the Seventh Sense before it became cliche

"Um, I have to go to the bathroom. . . and throw up."
	-Glynis, after eating at Steak & Shake

"Todd should not be surprised that Stephanie broke up with him.  After
 all, Stephanie cheated on him with 500 other guys within 20 seconds
 of their relationship starting."
	-Quarex

"So I left a note on his car saying, 'Go back to Texas, bitch.'"
	-Quarex, angry about the Texan in his parking space

"Your sister is"
*click*
"really incredibly easy."
	-MTV "Un-dressed" & TNN's "Some Fix-it Show"

"Hey, where are you guys going?"
*SLAM*
	-Hrothgar & Ogre, ignoring him and leaving

"I asked you about Ogre because he just pooped into my head."
	-Pwemn We K'dalf, Lord of Guam

"Normally, a movie needs, . . . I don't know. . . *A* story."
	-Ghort, about 13th warrior.  An otherwise entertaining
         movie, besides the lack of, well, anything.

"Dude, Hillary thrives on the worthless fucking bottom-feeding
 shit-sucking drug-addict goddamn vermin of the fucking earth."
	-Quarex, suddenly invoking the muse of anger, speaking
         on Hillary's boyfriend

"This is the worst book I've ever read.  He cannot even spell
 correctly!"
	-Incredibly Smart Girl in Quarex's English 247 class,
         referring to "Robinson Crusoe."

"She likes me for me!"
"NOT BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE STEPHEN HAWKING!"
	-Blessid Union of Souls guy & Quarex and Spirit.
	 This quote will make absolutely no sense in a few years.

"ICQ Error--Please Return Computer."
	-Quarex

"I look at naked men all day, and you get laid by beautiful
 women non-stop"
	-Quarex

"You've got to screw me before I'm legal."
	-Anjee

"How do you know that the voice you hear yourself say is not
 the voice that you say it?"
	-Hrothgar

"I'd like to get baked with sour cream."
	-Quarex, ordering his potato at Ned Kelly's

"MADRE DE DIOS!  LIFT YOUR HAMMER HIGH!"
	-What Quarex woke up singing on September 20, 1999.

"Well, there was the THING, but I didn't know it involved 'things.'"
	-Hrothgar, explaining himself clearly

"I'm gonna fuck a guy tonight."
	-Ogre

"Found things always lose themselves."
	-Ogre, spontaneously profound

"My sister here looks like my mom.  I look more like my dad."
"Then your dad must be gorgeous."
	-Erin & Quarex, the Eternally Smooth

"You are my DRIVER!  You are MCGUNN!  You are the MAN!"
	-Hrothgar, grabbing Ogre's head and pounding it, while
	 also spilling Ogre's beer all over both of them.

"Nah man, I don't mean I wanna go out with Trisha or nothing.
 I mean, fucking would be nice.  I just don't wanna go out with
 her."
	-Hrothgar, certainly still completely sober

"I gotta get digits, man.  Corner of Kirby.  Gotta get digits, man."
	-Ogre, also certainly not drunk.

"Heinous. . . Chiiiiiiiiicken Midget!"
	-What Quarex woke up, again, singing, on September 26, 1999.

"Ogre, do you poop?"
"I'MG EAFING A HOF DOG."
	-RottenZ & Ogre

*** rheaa (icemaiden@ip-97.naqsi.net) has joined channel #ezines
<Quarex> Rheaa, again, your last h0e file was so beautiful, I have to 
         commend you on it.
*** Signoff: rheaa (Leaving)
	-IRC

"Do you just hang out in this lounge all day?"
"Yeah, because when you are falling through the air, you're like, WHEE!"
	-Quarex & Mandy, not fully hearing my change in the subject
         from skydiving to the lounge.

"Man, I had 180 e-mails saved.  I had to clean house."
"That's nothing.  I have 1456.  After all, you never know when I might 
 decide to go to the 1998 NCHS Thespian Banquet."
	-Quarex & SiniStar

"Organized religion is a scam, and a crutch for the weak-minded people 
 who need strength in numbers."
	-Jesse Ventura, in Playboy.

"I want to bathe in Koala urine."
	-Tasha

"Q. What question can you never answer with 'Yes?'"
"A. Are you gay?"
	-Stephanie, reading Highlights magazine, & Spirit

"If Comedy Central's VS. has taught me anything, it's that stupid women
 are dumber than stupid men."
	-Spirit

"The Real Object of University Education is to Furnish Preparation
 for Efficient Social Service."
	-Slogan carved into the UIUC Undergraduate Library's
         foundation.  Is this really what we are going to school for?

"When it sees me, it attacks and I must punch it to stay alive."
	-Miguel, June 18th, 1624

"SHRED!"
	-Overkill

"You know what I want that to say?"
"'Women shouldn't be allowed to vote?'"
	-Spirit & Quarex, about the archaic Coca-Cola ad on the wall
         of Tee Jay's in Columbus

"You want some doritos?"
"Fuck you."
	-Quarex & Anybody on the trip to Columbus

"HERE COME MY PANTS!"
	-Spirit

"Grumpy Dog's got baked potato appeal, cuz they're made from potatoes
 and skins that're real!"
	-Quarex, elaborating on the Grumpy Dog

"Hey, Jazz!  What a great way to end a movie!"
". . . This isn't jazz."
	-Hrothgar & Hrothgar.

"This fit barely hats me!"
	-Hrothgar

"MOLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
	-Hrothgar, unable to contain his excitement about Moline, IL.

"I smell like. . . Kellogg's!"
	-Hrothgar, again, obviously not drunk.

"Wield the infinite power of the gyro!"
	-Slogan on a "Gyro-power Sword" box at Meijer

"Did you see something round and laugh at it?"
	-Hrothgar, viciously insulting Quarex's comedy tastes

"Oh god, yes, oh god, yes, OH GOD, YES!"
	-Quarex, at Curtis Orchard, realizing that among the goats in
         the petting zoo were full-fledged absolute devil-goats.

"What will you be doing this summer, Erik?"
"Well, let's see. I will be graduating, so that means that I will be
 laying somewhere in a ditch, a paper bag in my hand, crying to the Lord 
 at why his mercy is so harsh."
	-Spirit & Hrothgar

"Only when you truly believe, will you ever disbelieve?"
"The cost of the world, is the same as the cost of a pickle?"
	-Hrothgar, brilliantly making up lyrics

"When do we move through time?"
	-Hrothgar, attempting to inquire about Daylight Savings Time

"That's pretty damn lame when the only thing you come up with for
 changing your life is wearing pants."
	-Glynis

"BLLLLLLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
	-Hrothgar, yelling out the car window at everyone we passed

"You know, I cannot think of many things that I put in my mouth and then
 into my eye."
	-Ogre, musing on contacts

"BIG RED BARN!  BIG RED BARN!  BIG RED BARN!  BIG RED BARN!"
	-Hrothgar, leading a crowd chant

"What time do you get off work tomorrow?"
"P.M."
	-Quarex & Spirit, extremely tired

"I am thinking of three or four ways she could be fucking me right now."
	-Hrothgar, quasi-freudian slipping his way into explaining that he
	 was aware of possible manipulation by a woman.

"The title will be 'Fags play to audience of queers.'"
	-Vanessa, suggesting names for her Pet Shop Boys concert review

"You don't need to drink to have fun in life."
"Yeah you do!"
	-Quarex & Rob

"So when are you going out with Cheryl?"
"Me hit Cheryl with poison cloud."
	-Spirit & Quarex

"The Joy of Poop?"
	-Glynis, mis-reading something as usual

"Let's go to Best Buy in stocking caps."
	-Hrothgar, failing miserably to suggest what he was actually thinking

"The ideal for most people is to find a mate like a good satisfying meal that 
 they can sit down and enjoy till they die.  I would like trial sized snacking 
 portions of all these different types of meals so I felt like I knew what was 
 as good about each."
	-Andy, eternally classy

"I just signed up for an Indian Butter contact list."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
	-Quarex & RottenZ

"Yes, it is RADICAL when the COOL KID ON THE BMX BIKE SUCKS THE YOGURT COCK
 TO RECEIVE HIS CUMGURT REWARD."
	-Quarex, loathing the GO-GURT commercials once more

"Drew, you have a huge one."
	-Hrothgar, actually referring to my Iron Giant beanbag.

"You made fatty purr!"
	-Chrissy

"Am I supposed to care?"
	-Hrothgar, after Stephanie explained her depressing life story

"Oh god, is that sock scottish?"
"Yes."
"FUCK."
	-Quarex & Spirit, on yet another scottish Argyle sock on a kid's show

"I want some rot bread."
	-Hrothgar, enraging the Denny's waitress

"You know, Kurt, you are the most dumbass, stupid person I have ever met."
	-Hrothgar to Sinistar, proving to be both manic AND depressive at once.

"Hey Stephanie, you want a REAL baby?"
	-Hrothgar, the magnificently cruel, in regards to Stephanie's miscarriage